Thursday, September 22, 2011

Letter @ 21//Daily

I have been thinking alot about the last 8 years, since I've been sick; since my DID (dissociative identity disorder) really became active and the point at which my life fell apart, quite spectacularly. I wish I could have given myself some good advice, have gone back in time to 21 and fix everything or at least make things a little better. Anyway during my thinking I saw that a few lovely blogger ladies had been writing letters on their blogs to their past selves (Kaelah of Little Chief Honeybee; Kim of Art Equals Happy and Kara of I Just Might Explode) so that's is what this blog post is all about. I know that not everyone knows much about DID (go HERE to find out more), and some people might not want to read this, but that's ok - I will share something cute at the weekend so come back for that!!!

Dear 21 year old Vicki,

Since moving to England, life has been hard - going from being homesick to having the worst nightmares that anybody can even imagine was bad enough, but then attempting suicide several times in just one month, I am surprised you survived.
I promise you that it won't always be this hard, but listen when people tell you that it's a long road ahead - take that onboard and know that you are loved by so many people and they are trying to help you. I know that school is hard because of all of this but one day you will realise the worth in sticking with it to the extent that you did - the lessons you are learning are so important and will lead to you being able to work towards a degree, that is huge!!!
I know that staying in the hospital for those 3 weeks seemed really unhelpful, but I promise you that one day you will be able to look back on that experience and be thankful - it saved your life, and allowed us to go forward.
You won't stay in England, you will move home near the end of 2006 - and you will spend some more time in hospital, but trust me - that stay made sense, it made life 1000% easier. You will be diagnosed with DID in May 2007, and that diagnosis has allowed you to be free, to make decision and to live a life that is now so full - it's amazing!
The diagnosis doesn't ever make the illness disappear; but with help and time you will come to accept it - and to realise that it isn't a label - that YOU are not a label. There will be people, over time, who leave your life because they can't deal with it - some of them will come back but most of them won't or can't, remember that is their choice, and it does not make you a bad person at all. One day you will meet your soul mate, and that person is amazing, special and supports you through the good and the bad - and you will get married. Somedays life is still hard but mostly it's pretty special, you get to make some pretty awesome stuff and put in place the lessons you've learned from this journey. Remember that you are special, and you will be awesome and to thank all of those people who help you along the way.

from, your 29 year old future self xxx

I have to say, of all of the letters I've ever written - this might be one of the hardest ones but I actually feel good for it - and if you made your way through the whole thing - thank you. And finally to all of you who did help me through the journey (you know who you are) - thank you, we love you.

V x

All of the images here were found through google, by typing in dissociative identity disorder - there are some awesome ones out there - go check them out.


Anonymous said...

I just had to give you a big virtual hug for posting that *virtual hug* :-)

Kirsty.a said...

Brave of you to post this. Good luck and God bless

Becki Langbant said...

im way behind the times but that is such a powerful thing to do.
Alot of people talk about 'illnesses' and just how their sick, how bad it is tra la la...but you will be a damn inspiration to others going through similar things.
You're a braver woman than me, sending you a hug!